too conditional (Chris weeps in writing)

sometimes i wonder whether
feelings are dictated by fate
if so, why can such loneliness
be permitted to endure?

for six long months i've wondered
how i can become worthy of my need
and yet, were i to see success
it would be hollow, too conditional

such a simple joyous sentiment
can't be so painful to yearn for
be so hard to give, to deserve
that kindness can live in death

it is so hard to see the light
through all the tears that i'd
much rather drown in, slowly
washing over all reality

I wrote this because I miss the person of my love, just a little too long, a little too much. I often wonder how one person can affect me so much, even in absence.